I commit to:
Self love first
Sharing love no matter what
Making important decisions based on self love
Sharing 100% of my truth no matter how I think my partner may react
Seeing conflict as an opportunity for greater intimacy
Keeping my word. 100% accountability
Keep time agreements or create a new agreement before default
Being as honest as I can……… always
Telling the entire story always (especially the incriminating part)
When triggered to not pull away but to:
Giving my self time to move energy if necessary, coming back to resolve in a timely manner
Answering difficult questions in a timely manner (keep your word), for future time to resolve
Agree to disagree
Learning and practicing the tools of Authentic Communication
Especially Communicating Vulnerably with “I “ statements
Stopping when our love does not flow and removing the blocks
Taking greater responsibility for anger and tone of voice
If or when we cannot find resolve we seek the support of a third party who is neutral, we both agree on.
Disclosing and sharing :
My deepest needs
I commit to NOT:
End this relationship while in fear or blame of myself or my partner
Blame my partner, push them away intentionally
Judge my partner, criticize or make them wrong
Judge my self
Fix my partner
Being abusive to myself or my partner, this includes abuse of silence
Ask my partner to change so I do not get triggered, share your hurts first
Compromise my self (morals, values) for the sake of upsetting or triggering my partner or trying to keep this relationship together
Being heard does not necessarily mean you agree, but understand and feel your partners position and pain.
Be kind, share loving feelings and gratitude to your partner as much as possible. Genuine intimacy begins during the day
As soon as either partner realizes they have had their feeling hurt, say Ouch and either take a time out or practice “I” statements and active listening.
In conflicts find my matching picture by asking who is my partners in me…… based on his/her bad behavior
Holding on to past relationship hurts limits your emotional availability. Do not let past hurts keep you from being emotionally available.
When triggered to disclose it ASAP
My feelings, emotions and beliefs are a present state of experience and do not necessarily reflect my overall truth.
We choose to end hierarchy where no one has to loose, be right, dominate or control the other, creating win/win outcomes
True intimacy cannot be created in my head. I have to get into and reveal what is in my hearts and feelings.
The more love that is received by each partner the greater the possibility of old pain and shadow parts emerging
All triggers are the result of shadow or inner child parts being stimulated
The past cannot be changed, resolve comes from revealing with words the hurts, emotions and beliefs associated with the past hurt/trauma
Pull back projections (advanced)
Withholding, love, sex, emotions, and personal pain stops the flow of love
Love, Laugh and Play as much as possible
In conflict I commit to finding my deepest emotions, beliefs resulting in the communication of my needs that are heard
If a topic keeps coming up it means there are unrevealed hurts and needs. I commit to find them in me, and reveal them to my partner
Letting go of past hurts requires greater self disclosure
Self Disclosure is raw honesty. Opening your heart revealing your pain using “I” statements. It exposes your pain from the past or present experience. It is pure vulnerability. When done passionately It will open the heart of your partner too!
When Triggered I commit to:
Sharing “I am triggered ASAP”
Asking for what I need